There are a lot of circumstances that could be. There are a lot of directions and ways that life could go. A lot of times, these circumstances go the way we hope and choose. Sometimes they don’t.
In these moments, we are met with a tangled mess of the unexpected. In this, there are cycles of grief, cycles of loss, and a lot of unknown. In only a matter of time-we come to a fork in the road. The direction was once determined for us, but now we have the choice. Do we take this new road-walk head up and hearts strong, or do we look back, mull over the past, and live in the ‘could have been?’
Eight weeks ago, circumstances lead me in a direction I did not choose or hope. These weeks have been filled with the unexpected. Unexpected quite possibly hurts the most. What has surprised me is my innate tendency to look back, mull over the past, and get stuck in the ‘could have been.’ I’ve grown up learning that this is the classic mistake, yet I feel utterly immobilized.I know the road that leads to healing, wholeness, and is full of truth, yet I stand confused at the fork. Maybe it’s fear, maybe it’s confusion, and in this, I long for direction.
Direction has come as I’ve recently been reminded of a truth I’ve always heard, but never fully grasped. If you cling to your life, you will lose it. If you trust in your plans, you’ll probably be disappointed. This sounds so contradictory in contrast to the voice of the world, yet right now, makes more sense then ever. Eight weeks ago I was full of hopes and plans. On a busy street, in the middle of an intersection, I was shaken to the core, and forced to reconsider the very purpose of my life. These hopes and plans were taken away- a loss that I struggle to see could turn to good.
But maybe that’s what this is all about.
Abandoning our hopes and plans. Walking head up and hearts strong down the road of unknowns and unexpected. The road that is full of Jesus, His plans, and HOPE.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness. Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. so because of Christ, I am pleased in weaknesses, in insults, in catastrophes, in persecutions, and in pressures.
It started with my first few steps after the accident-down the hospital hallway. It was in those moments where I was instantly hit with the reality that life was about to slow down. It was humbling, frustrating, and surprisingly refreshing. In those two laps around the small hospital corridor, I looked in each hospital room, noticed the extremely bland paint chosen to coat the walls, and had a nice, relaxed conversation with the nurse.
In the days following I had no choice. I walked up the stairs slowly, brushed my teeth slowly, and ate slowly. At first I felt discouraged and defeated, not being able to carry on the normal that I knew.
I’ve kept moving slowly. And, in these past weeks, I’ve been struck with something new-something really different.
There’s a lot of life that happens in the slow moments.
Not everything in life is beautiful. In fact there are a lot of things that reflect pain and sorrow, and it resonates in your heart differently when it is your own pain and sorrow. What is ironic is that in this affliction, the small, simple, and unique pieces of life look all the more radiant. What usually is neglected and unseen-sparkles and catches the eye.